Clergyman's

Some footballers earn a fortune. 30 grand, 40 grand, 90 grand a week, some of them. And then they say stuff in interviews like ""I'm not really enjoying the football at the moment."" Not enjoying the football? 90 grand a week? I'd be fucking delirious with it! I wouldn't just hug somebody for scoring a goal, I'd shag 'em.
- Lee Evans (comedian)

The Happy Eater! They're miserable as fuck! You go in the Happy Eater, you'll see a woman behind the counter at the deep fat frier like this ""DON'T ASK FOR CHIPS! I FUCKIN' HATE CHIPS!"" ""Chips with this, chips with that... chips with me an' all."" I'll stick me head in the deep fat frier in a minute: ""Chips with this, chips with that...
- Lee Evans (comedian)

I was thinking to myself out there — well, you wouldn't think you're anybody else, would you?
- Lee Evans (comedian)

I was thinking to myself out there — well, you wouldn't think you're anybody else, would you?
- Lee Evans (comedian)

I was thinking to myself out there — well, you wouldn't think you're anybody else, would you?
- Lee Evans (comedian)

Our grandparents fucking ate anything put in front of them! Your granddad would say ""What's for tea, love?"" ""Tripe!"" ""Oooooohh! Animal stomach lining for fucking tea, man!"" They ate anything, fucking monkey's phlegm, orangutan's bollocks. I dunno, I'm just making them up now... chicken's quiff!... Bird's arse, ya know!
- Lee Evans (comedian)

Our grandparents fucking ate anything put in front of them! Your granddad would say ""What's for tea, love?"" ""Tripe!"" ""Oooooohh! Animal stomach lining for fucking tea, man!"" They ate anything, fucking monkey's phlegm, orangutan's bollocks. I dunno, I'm just making them up now... chicken's quiff!... Bird's arse, ya know!
- Lee Evans (comedian)

I said to my wife ""If I ever get like that, ya know, mumbling to myself and shitting my pants, shoot me."" She said ""Fucking run, monkey boy!
- Lee Evans (comedian)

I said to my wife ""If I ever get like that, ya know, mumbling to myself and shitting my pants, shoot me."" She said ""Fucking run, monkey boy!
- Lee Evans (comedian)

This bloke, I swear he's in any supermarket car park. He's great. He walks across the car park, and he's got one of those fobs, and he opens his car before he gets there. ""Ha, ha, ha! I don't know if you saw what I just did there, but I actually opened my car door before I actually physically got there!
- Lee Evans (comedian)