“There is a night school where you shall meet great teachers: The sky! When the night falls, the shining stars in the school will teach you how small you are and how comical to own an ego!”— Mehmet Murat ildan
“It’s okay to laugh, you know. The earth’s not going to split open. You’re not going to hell. Believe me. If there’s a hell, I’ll be there ahead of you, and they’ll be too busy with me to even check you in.”— Jennifer Niven
“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren’t any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.”— Carroll Bryant
“The doctor asked me recently how I was feeling within myself, I replied, “absolutely fine doctor, but I’m terribly lonely without myself.”— Benny Bellamacina
“We made it back to the airport without getting mugged, stoned, shot at, pounced on, bombed, shelled, garroted, gassed, pitched into, caught in a cross fire, sniped at, blockaded, napalmed, or trip-wired. No one even hit us with a water balloon.”— Daniel Quinn
“All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.”— Carroll Bryant
“What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.”— Carroll Bryant
“…You see I believe in that stuff to: yoga and mystical powers. I once knew a man who could kill himself on command. Can you believe that? . . . Why do you laugh? . . . Believe it! By will of his own mind, he could make his heart stop beating for good’ My neighbor poised and looked seriously at me, searching in my eyes. ‘…You laugh!’ he repeated once more… ‘You laugh, but he was a master at it! He could commit suicide at his own will!’ Indeed, hearty laughter streamed through my nose. ‘Could he do it perpetually?’ I asked. ‘Perpetually…?’ My neighbor rubbed his waxy chin. ‘I mean, is he still able to do it?’ ‘I’m not sure I understand.’ ‘Well? Then is he dead…?!’My neighbor’s puzzled face slowly began to transform into a look of realization. ‘But sir,’ he said, ‘Of course he’s dead! I mean to say… this man could kill himself on command, you see. And you don’t come back from the dead!’ The two of us found ourselves crossing to the door so I could let my visitor out. I slapped him with friendliness on the shoulder. ‘No, you don’t come back from the dead,’ I agreed.”— Roman Payne