“Does Uncle Bob have anything?””I heard he has an STD.””I mean on the women.””Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.”— Darynda Jones Related Quotes “As we sat there, the door opened, just barely, and a hand slid inside and dropped a set of keys on a side table.”Thanks, Garrett!” I called out.He gave me a thumbs-up and closed the door.”How do you suppose he knew we were performing sexual favors on each other?” I asked, snuggling against my man again.”Possibly because you screamed my name about seven times.”— Darynda Jones “Gemma Davidson,” she answered, her voice as groggy as I felt. “Where are you?” I asked. “Who is this?” “Elvis.” “What time is it?” “Hammer time?” “Charley.” “Did you text me? Did your car break down?” “No and no. Why are you doing this to me?” She was funny. “Check your cell.” I heard a loud, sleepy sigh, some rustling of sheets, then, “It won’t come on.” “Not at all?” “No. What did you do to it?” “I ate it for breakfast. Check the battery compartment.” “Where the hell is that?” “Um, behind the battery door.” “Are you punking me?” I heard her fumbling with the phone. “Gem, if I was going to punk you, I wouldn’t simply turn off your phone. I would pour honey in your hair while you slept. Or, you know, something like that.” “That was you?” she asked, appalled.”— Darynda Jones “If he didn’t hate me so much and he wasn’t an evil supernatural being, I’d be on him like black on Cookie’s toast.That woman could not make toast.”— Darynda Jones