Clergyman's

“Now,I’m no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They’re tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they’re saying and that boosts your health and happiness. “Knock Knock… Who’s There?.. Little endorphin… Little endorphin who?… Little Endorphin Annie.” And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Take a nap in a fireplace and you’ll sleep like a log.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”“No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”“Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you’re gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I’ve gotta stop I’ve gotta come to my senses, I’ve been out riding fences for so long… oops I did it again… um… What I’m trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don’t remember anything else that I’ve said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside – to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that’s how it’s spelled.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Things will get easier, people’s minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

“Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we’re all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose… When you connect with that love and that compassion, that’s when everything unfolds.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I’ve been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it’s pretty equal. I don’t know why that is. It’s been the same thing for a while. It’s hard for female comedians to stand out. That’s weird. That’s a shame.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“Comedy can be, especially in a writer’s room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It’s not a nurturing place. It’s not like a lot of women are going to say, I can’t wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer’s room until 2 or 3 a.m.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime’s Funniest Person in America. And that’s a really tough title to travel around with when you’re not even known.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I’d say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I was raised in an atmosphere of ‘everything’s fine.’ But as I got older, I was like, ‘Well no, everything’s not fine. There is stuff that’s sad.’ I am a really sensitive person. I think I am too sensitive sometimes.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness – and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I’m a human trying to make it through in this world.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I’ve started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I’ve written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don’t care if it’s called marriage. I don’t care if it’s called, you know, domestic partnership. I don’t care what it’s called.”
– Ellen DeGeneres