Clergyman's

Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.
- Simon Munnery

It is said that behind every great man lies a great woman. This is because women lie.
- Simon Munnery

There are two types of people in this world: those who live in the cities - or 'citizens' as I call them - and those who live in the countryside... who shall remain nameless.
- Simon Munnery

In this world there are winners and losers. And, of course, 'the others', who comprise the majority.
- Simon Munnery

You may think I'm cruel to the monkey, but you only see the tip of the iceberg, for the monkey is cruel to me. It hits me when I sleep. It sleeps when I hit it. Imagine how impotent that makes me feel.
- Simon Munnery