“Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.”
— Chris Rock
“You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense”
— Chris Rock
“Women need food, water, and complimentsThat’s right.And an occasional pair of shoes.”
— Chris Rock
“I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.”
— Chris Rock
“You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders. Yeah! Every time somebody get shut we’d say, ‘Damn, he must have done something … Shit, he’s got fifty thousand dollars worth of bullets in his ass.’And people would think before they killed somebody if a bullet cost five thousand dollars. ‘Man I would blow your fucking head off…if I could afford it.’ ‘I’m gonna get me another job, I’m going to start saving some money, and you’re a dead man. You’d better hope I can’t get no bullets on layaway.’So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you wouldn’t have to go to no doctor to get it taken out. Whoever shot you would take their bullet back, like “I believe you got my property.”
— Chris Rock
“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
— Chris Rock
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?”
— Chris Rock
“I’ve seen women who don’t have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.”
– Chris Rock
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
– Chris Rock
“Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.”
– Chris Rock
“Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.”
– Chris Rock
“Right now, my job is that I’m like an ambulance chaser. I’ve got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.”
– Chris Rock
“Dude, I didn’t say Jude Law can’t act. I didn’t say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he’s in every movie.”
– Chris Rock
“Movies have takes. But plays are like life – you don’t really get takes.”
– Chris Rock
“My movies are okay, but they’re not my specials.”
– Chris Rock
“A sense of humor is great – it goes a long, long way in a marriage.”
– Chris Rock
“I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.”
– Chris Rock
“You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.”
– Chris Rock
“Hollywood’s just not funny.”
– Chris Rock
“Karaoke isn’t fair when you’re a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I’m a professional funny guy.”
– Chris Rock
“Funny is only something that others know about you – you can’t be funny by yourself.”
– Chris Rock
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
– Chris Rock
“I love being famous. It’s almost like being white.”
– Chris Rock
“Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I’m famous.”
– Chris Rock
“Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?”
– Chris Rock
“I’m in show business… I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.”
– Chris Rock
“I think my best work is when I’m kind of in charge.”
– Chris Rock