“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
– Erma Bombeck
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.”
– Erma Bombeck
“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
– Erma Bombeck
“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”
– Erma Bombeck
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.”
– Erma Bombeck
“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.”
– Erma Bombeck
“God created man, but I could do better.”
– Erma Bombeck
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
– Erma Bombeck
“A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Never order food in excess of your body weight.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.”
– Erma Bombeck
“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”
– Erma Bombeck
“A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”
– Erma Bombeck
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.”
– Erma Bombeck
“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
– Erma Bombeck