“If you’re a woman and a guy’s ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.”
— Louis C. K.
“When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.”
— Louis C. K.
“Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don’t care about other stuff.”
— Louis C. K.
“When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, ‘This is just dumb.’”
— Louis C. K.
“When you’re a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother’s assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore.”
— Louis C. K.
“Talking is always positive. That’s why I talk too much.”
— Louis C. K.
“It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.”
— Louis C. K.
“I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of.”
— Louis C. K.
“I don’t stop eating when I’m full. The meal isn’t over when I’m full. It’s over when I hate myself.”
— Louis C. K.
“It’s more fun to experience things when you don’t know what’s going to happen.”
— Louis C. K.
“Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it’s really like magic because you transform reality for people.”
— Louis C. K.
“When two kids are being completely berserk, and they’re naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they’re going to be dressed, and they’re going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.”
— Louis C. K.
“America’s a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.”
— Louis C. K.
“The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn’t choose to.”
— Louis C. K.
“I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It’s like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.”
— Louis C. K.
“Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That’s like a sports thing, it’s not usually a comedy and writing thing.”
— Louis C. K.
“I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you’re good at.”
— Louis C. K.
“I’ve met a lot of people who’ve lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.”
— Louis C. K.
“I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish – that’s what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff.”
— Louis C. K.
“Misery is wasted on the miserable.”
— Louis C.K.
“I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them.”
— Louis C.K.
“It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by ‘new at it,’ I mean 15 years in, or even 20 — you’re just starting to get traction.”
— Louis C.K.
“Pamela, I’m in love with you. Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me. Shut up! Lemme tell you. Let me. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me – and the way you are with me – and you’re just fun and you shit all over me and you make fun of me and you’re real. I don’t have enough time in any day to think about you enough. I feel like I’m going to live a thousand years cause that’s how long it’s gonna take me to have one thought about you which is that I’m crazy about you, Pamela. I don’t wanna be with anybody else. I don’t. I really don’t. I don’t think about women anymore. I think about you. I had a dream the other night that you and I were on a train. We were on this train and you were holding my hand. That’s the whole dream. You were holding my hand and I felt you holding my hand. I woke up and I couldn’t believe it wasn’t real. I’m sick in love with you, Pamela. It’s like a condition. It’s like polio. I feel like I’m gonna die if I can’t be with you. And I can’t be with you. So I’m gonna die – and I don’t care cause I was brought into existence to know you and that’s enough. The idea that you would want me back it’s like greedy.”
— Louis C.K.
“You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That’s what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody that goes, ‘Hey, maybe something nice will happen!’ Why the fuck would anything nice ever happen? What are you, stupid?”
— Louis C. K.
“I don’t think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.”
– Louis C. K.
“Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That’s like a sports thing, it’s not usually a comedy and writing thing.”
– Louis C. K.
“When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.”
– Louis C. K.
“If you’re a woman and a guy’s ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.”
– Louis C. K.
“Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it’s really like magic because you transform reality for people.”
– Louis C. K.
“It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.”
– Louis C. K.