“It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.”
— Paula Poundstone
“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.”
— Paula Poundstone
“People need each other. Our well-being is tightly tethered to the well-being of people we do not know, most of whom look nothing like ourselves. Happiness, I realized right there in breathing class, requires engagement.”
— Paula Poundstone
“Deep-rooted happiness may require a sense of purpose. If I don’t feel that I am in some small way contributing to the greater good, holding on to happiness is like carrying water in my hands.”
— Paula Poundstone
“I’m thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.”
– Paula Poundstone
“I’m thankful for Sarah Palin’s vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.”
– Paula Poundstone
“I don’t need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.”
– Paula Poundstone
“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’”
– Paula Poundstone
“I used to watch ‘The Waltons’ and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.”
– Paula Poundstone
“I have a very silly sense of humor. I’ve never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.”
– Paula Poundstone
“I’m thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.”
– Paula Poundstone
“I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.”
– Paula Poundstone
“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.”
– Paula Poundstone