Clergyman's

They beat us, they beat us, they made us do their BLOW!
- Sam Kinison

Oh, God, will you SHUT UP! GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH! YOU'RE HIS WHORE! OH! OHHHH!
- Sam Kinison

Oh, God, will you SHUT UP! GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH! YOU'RE HIS WHORE! OH! OHHHH!
- Sam Kinison

I just got shot in the ass with an infected load of semen! Who's the smart-ass?
- Sam Kinison

This man had to be Captain Kangaroo for over thirty FUCKING YEARS! No scandal, no controversy, drank a lot. You would too. I don't think he knew the show was going to go thirty fucking years. ""Goddamn it, I'm fucking Captain Kangaroo. Thought the fucking gig would last two or three years, I didn't think I'd spend my whole fucking life as Captain Kangaroo! I was an actor, I was in the Actor's Studio, I wanted to do Death of a Salesman, I wanted to play Willy. My God, I'm Captain KANGAROO!
- Sam Kinison

This man had to be Captain Kangaroo for over thirty FUCKING YEARS! No scandal, no controversy, drank a lot. You would too. I don't think he knew the show was going to go thirty fucking years. ""Goddamn it, I'm fucking Captain Kangaroo. Thought the fucking gig would last two or three years, I didn't think I'd spend my whole fucking life as Captain Kangaroo! I was an actor, I was in the Actor's Studio, I wanted to do Death of a Salesman, I wanted to play Willy. My God, I'm Captain KANGAROO!
- Sam Kinison

This man had to be Captain Kangaroo for over thirty FUCKING YEARS! No scandal, no controversy, drank a lot. You would too. I don't think he knew the show was going to go thirty fucking years. ""Goddamn it, I'm fucking Captain Kangaroo. Thought the fucking gig would last two or three years, I didn't think I'd spend my whole fucking life as Captain Kangaroo! I was an actor, I was in the Actor's Studio, I wanted to do Death of a Salesman, I wanted to play Willy. My God, I'm Captain KANGAROO!
- Sam Kinison

Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid. Well, now I'm ready to go to Heaven and be with Jesus, and...hey? Hey, what's this? Oh, God it feels like a man's DICK IN MY ASS! Oh, GOD!!! I'M DEAD!!! Oh, you mean life keeps on fucking you even after you're dead? Oh, it never ends! OH! OHHH!!!
- Sam Kinison

Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid. Well, now I'm ready to go to Heaven and be with Jesus, and...hey? Hey, what's this? Oh, God it feels like a man's DICK IN MY ASS! Oh, GOD!!! I'M DEAD!!! Oh, you mean life keeps on fucking you even after you're dead? Oh, it never ends! OH! OHHH!!!
- Sam Kinison

I would like to sing a song for my buddy Rodney, whose girl Laverne broke his heart and let him down; but what Rodney doesn't know, he's got every reason to feel so low, 'cause, Rodney, she fucked everyone in this fuckin' town. YOU FUCKING WHORE!!! You used Rodney, you never loved Rodney! Remember when Rodney went to the ball game? You had your own ball game! You fucked the whole fire department! You were the fire, you fucking bitch — they had to use your fucking hose! Oh yeah, you fucked a butcher because he said he had the biggest salami in town! I know all about you! You read Moby Dick because you thought there was dick in it! It was the only book you read; you ended up sucking the book! I was best friend, you sucked my dick, I felt guilty — how come you didn't feel guilty?! 'Cause you don't feel anything, you fucking whore! OH, OH, you oughta die, die, you fucking bitch! DIE!!! DIE, YOU WHORE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! How's THAT Rodney, ya feel any better!?
- Sam Kinison