Clergyman's

You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.
- Larry the Cable Guy

My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.
- Larry the Cable Guy

You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.
- Larry the Cable Guy

Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout, and threw it back. He said he didn't want a gay fish.
- Larry the Cable Guy

Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout, and threw it back. He said he didn't want a gay fish.
- Larry the Cable Guy

Do deaf people have alarm clocks? I asked a deaf guy that one time, the sumbitch just stared at me.
- Larry the Cable Guy

Oh like you never did that before! Every man - every man has done this! Just tuck your weiner between your legs, run around your house, lookit at yourself in the mirror, and say, ""Oh, hey there, I'm Roseanne!"" You know, like on the Rosie O'Fatass show.
- Larry the Cable Guy

You ever go eat breakfast at Denny's, and then go to the toilet and sit in there so long you gotta order lunch from the stool? You ever do that? Now I know why they call it the Grand Slam.
- Larry the Cable Guy

Actually, you can make pretty good cash on stage without being a comedian or a stripper. My brother once won a talent contest by fartin' the song ""Dixie"" through an oil funnel. He not only took home 500 bucks, he got to meet Regis after the show. Who says dreams don't come true? .
- Larry the Cable Guy

Actually, you can make pretty good cash on stage without being a comedian or a stripper. My brother once won a talent contest by fartin' the song ""Dixie"" through an oil funnel. He not only took home 500 bucks, he got to meet Regis after the show. Who says dreams don't come true? .
- Larry the Cable Guy